How I Met Your Mother 02
by Astarpen
Summary: "I said it was a terrible idea. The children might eat your parents. However, I also pointed out that it wouldn't be all to difficult to impress your human parents. I'm a dragon, I am naturally impressive."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Book 2 of How I Met your Mother, reviews are nice. I like reviews.  
**

 **Song: How I Met Your Mother (Really, it was named after the show then I found out that this was the title of a song, so you know, two birds one stone sort of thing). by Taking Back Sunday**

 **Summary:** Charlie promptly ignores Santana, as she bites her nail—how had let Santana convince her that this was a good idea. "My parents are _old_ , I probably should have sat them down and told them that dragons exist before bringing them _here_. Why in the world did I let you convince me that this was a good idea?"

Santana rolled her eyes, as she played with the magic box on the wall. "I _didn't_ , I said it was a terrible idea. The children might eat your parents. However, I also pointed out that it wouldn't be all to difficult to impress your human parents. I'm a _dragon_ , I am naturally impressive."

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

"I think this is a _terrible idea_ ," Charlie muttered under her breath as she paced the length of her new lightly-used RV. "Probably the worst you've ever had."

Glowing orange eyes flicked over to Charlie, and Santana shot her concubine an amused patronizing look. "This was _your_ idea," she reminds Charlie.

Charlie promptly ignores Santana, as she bites her nail—how had let Santana convince her that this was a good idea. "My parents are _old_ , I probably should have sat them down and told them that dragons exist before bringing them _here_. Why in the world did I let you convince me that this was a good idea?"

Santana rolled her eyes, as she played with the magic box on the wall. "I _didn't_ , I said it was a terrible idea. The children might eat your parents. However, I also pointed out that it wouldn't be all to difficult to impress your human parents. I'm a _dragon_ , I am naturally impressive."

There was a half-charred lump outside her RV and near a cave that was supposed to be her new home that suggested otherwise, but Charlie didn't bother to bring that up. Santana was _sensitive_ about her failures and the last thing she wanted to do was deal with a moody dragon. Instead she focuses on the most problematic thing that Santana had said. "What do you mean the children might eat my parents?" Charlie turns to Santana.

Santana sighed and turned to look at Charlie, as if she were explaining an easy concept to a child. "It's the circle of life Charlie. Humans eat cows, and pigs and whatever. Dragon's eat cows and humans and whatever. We're at the top of the food chain you know."

"They're my parents Santana, the children _can't_ eat them!" Charlie insists immediately. When Santana just stares at her blankly she groans, of course Santana wouldn't take it seriously. She never took anything seriously when it came to raising the children. "I'll be very upset and we won't have sex ever again if my parents are eaten by our children."

"I'll make sure that they don't eat your parents," A pleased perverted smirk crosses Santana's face. "Besides you have plenty of meat Charlie, just toss it at them and it should get them to back off."

"They aren't wild dogs Santana."

"No, they're _dragons_ and you're spoiling them. You feed them _all the time_."

"I feed you _all the time_ ," Charlie snaps.

"Yes, but you're _my_ concubine. They should go find their own." Santana shakes her head. "They need to learn how to hunt, they need to learn how to take care of themselves, and find their own treasure. You can't just give it to them. They've already got a _drop_ of human blood in them, you don't want all the other dragons to pick on them, do you? No, they need to be strong and independent."

"They're like four, aren't they?"

Santana hummed in response before being distracted by the magic box again, "You're a terrible parent, you don't even know your kids age."

"I didn't even _know_ had children until a month ago," Charlie snips at Santana who smiles at her as if they're completely over the issue. They weren't she just didn't know how to get Santana to understand that she was still angry with her.

"I think you just proved my point," Santana smiles at Charlie. "They're three."

"You want to eat them," Charlie accuses. "They're three years old and they're precious—" Santana snorts at this and she can't help but scowl. Even if she agrees with Santana that her children are little monsters, _literally_ and figuratively, they were still her children. "Okay, so they're not that great but they're three. They shouldn't go to bed hungry."

"They're spoiled. I had my own cave at three, I already had an impressive hoard at that age. I was very advanced for my age. They don't have a lot going for them Charlie, they're not all that bright, and they've got human blood in them. They _need_ to be strong."

Charlie rolled her eyes, "They're three, you can teach them how to be strong when they stop drooling and spitting up balls of molten lava everywhere." The children were barely potty trained, and she had no idea why Santana believed that the children were slow. "Speaking of our children where are they? They need to get dressed so my parents don't think I'm a piss poor mother who can't even dress her kids."

"I'm their mother, you're the father," Santana corrects absentmindedly.

"I'm a woman."

"You had a penis, you impregnated me. You're their father. We've had this conversation. I don't see what the big deal is."

Charlie sighed, she wasn't going to win this argument with Santana and she just wanted to put the kids in the clothes that she had gotten them. They, like their mother, didn't really _enjoy_ wearing human clothes. At least she had managed to train Santana into transforming her scales into 'appropriate' clothing. She wasn't quite sure that Santana understood what appropriate was. At least Santana had morphed into something appropriate this time, appearing in a pair of jeans and a snug shirt. The last thing she needed was a wardrobe malfunction in front of her parents. All she wanted to do was pretend that she had it together for _one_ day. "Whatever, I need them to put on the clothes I got them."

Santana shrugged, she personally had no idea where her kids were and she didn't quite care to find out either.

"How could you not know?" Charlie groans, her parents were going to _judge her_.

"Shush Charlie, the magic box is speaking and my favorite show is on. I want to find out if—"

Charlie held up her hands, she didn't want Santana to get into her simple pleasure of watching trashy soap operas. She had no idea what Santana found interesting about them, but she didn't have time to get into it with Santana right now. She needed to find her kids and put them in clothes and make sure that they were _clean_ before her parents arrived. She had an hour. She only hoped that it was enough time. They were probably outside. At least she didn't have to worry about three children running about, in the woods _alone_ —she really wasn't going to win any parent of the year awards.

It's the smell of something burning and the sound of trees being battered into that leads Charlie to the flattened area behind the RV. Santana had flattened the land but there were still a few trees that the dragon was to lazy to get too. Just like her house, she was going to be stuck in this tiny little RV for the rest of her life. Santana _loved_ it, and said that it was cozy as she tried to get into her pants constantly.

Charlie's blood runs clothes when she sees her children in all their dragon glory standing around something large and fuzzy that didn't appear to be moving. They didn't look like baby dragons, in their dragon form they towered over her and had knocked her over a few times already. Santana had informed her that they were rather small for their ages. She didn't quite have any frame of reference for what normal dragon growth was so she was stuck believing everything Santana said, even though she suspected that Santana was bullshitting her most of the time.

Unlike Santana who was completely black in her dragon form, her children had a splash of gold under their wings. Santana insisted that it would disappear as they age, but the splash of gold was clearly the _only_ thing that they had taken from her, well that and her eye color. Other than that, they were _clearly_ Santana's children, as they were clearly tormenting a poor defenseless animal. "What are you doing?"

Two dragon's turn to look at her and she winces when she remembers that they couldn't talk like Santana in that form and she immediately extends her hands to stop Alex from knocking her over in his attempt to nuzzle her. She grunts as her ass hits the ground, as Alexander rubs against her. "Santana!" She calls out loudly. She knows that Santana can hear her, and was ignoring her for that silly television show. She sighs. "I'll let you do that thing you wanted to do tonight after my parents leave," Charlie called out for her dragon lover to hear. It was the _only_ way to get Santana to do anything these days. She grunts as Alexander continues to nuzzle her and bat at her already bruised body. She was going to need to remind him of personal space when he was in his human form. "Alexander, you need to get off!"

"This isn't some trick, is it? You're really going to let me—" Santana paused from where she was currently standing on Charlie's RV and stared at the bear that Bela was currently tugging on. "Our kids killed their first _bear_! Maybe they aren't as slow as I thought!"

"Bear? Wait there are _bears in these woods_?"

Santana promptly ignored Charlie, hopping off the RV and approaching her children. She waved her hands over Alexander turning him back to his human form as he landed with a thud on Charlie who grunted. She heads toward the bear only to have Bela step in front of it and bare her fangs at her. Santana blinked at this and smacked Bela between the eyes, before changing her into her human form so she could inspect the bear that her children had killed. "It's rather small I think."

"No! It's a _big_ bear and it's _ours_!" Bela insists as her mother finally changes Aidan back into his human form.

Alexander grinned at his father who was currently rubbing her arms. "Can you make it tasty?"

"Yeah!" Aidan grinned from where he was toddling up to her.

Charlie stared at the bear, it was covered in dirt and bite marks and it seemed that the kids had dragged it a distance. "I don't know how to cook bear."

Santana hummed, and picked up the bear by it's leg sniffing it carefully, before turning to look at Charlie. "You know how to make _everything_ ," Santana informs her encouragingly.

"It's our bear!" Bela insists. "We killed it!"

Santana glances at her daughter and gently pushes her back with her tail. "I know, and I'm impressed."

"Really?" Bela's eyes widen at this.

"Yeah, I was just telling your father how you needed to learn how to hunt. I'm not sure I approve of you hunting together but you did kill a bear and you are three. Don't worry I'll make sure your father cooks this bear up for you."

"Santana, I don't _eat_ bear."

"It's delicious you should try it. You make everything taste better and you can look it up, can't you?" Santana prompts.

Charlie groaned, she should never have shown Santana the internet. Of course, all Santana looked at on the internet was weird porn things that she wanted to try but still. Her father had taken her hunting and she did know the basics of skinning but it wasn't as if she wanted to actually get her hands dirty. "Okay, fine. But you're doing all the cleaning of the meat, I'll find some recipe and I'll cook it but as for now you three need to wear the clothes I got you cause my parents are coming and you want to make a good first impression on your grandparents—"

"Charlie! We're here!"

Santana drops the bear and turns on Charlie immediately, "I thought you said that we were meeting your parents what is _she_ doing here?" Santana hisses.

Charlie groans, now she had to deal with Santana and Quinn bickering at each other. Quinn was only here for one reason, to have plenty of material to make fun of her for the rest of her life. Which, if her parents got their way wouldn't be all that long.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow! Why are there two daddies?" Bela asked tugging at her mother's arm.

Santana scoffed at this, and glanced over at Quinn who was waving at her. "You only have one daddy. That's your Aunt, she's a bitch. She's also _mean_ and rude and I'm glad I didn't make her into my concubine."

"Santana! You can't call my sister a bitch in front of the children." Charlie sighed, she didn't know when she'd stop being scandalized by Santana's behavior. It was already tiring and she needed to make sure that things went well. She waved back at Quinn, trying to keep her face neutral as her twin smirked at her knowingly. Yeah, she was _fucked_.

"It's an accurate term to describe her, so I'll keep saying it," Santana shakes her head and gathers her children around her. "I know she may look like your father, but she's not. She's mean, and she annoys me. She's not my concubine, she is however your aunt. So, if you want to throw rocks at her—"

" _Santana_!"

"Fine you're not allowed to throw rocks at her, but I don't mind if you _nibble_ ," Santana drops her voice at that and when Charlie doesn't bark at her she smirks at her children. "Don't you know _eat_ her or anything."

"You said eating humans was _bad_ ," Alexander reminded her. "Cause daddy's human and if we ate him you'd be super—"

Santana's tail immediately wrapped around Alexander's face cutting him off as she glared at him. She turns to see if Charlie had heard but her concubine was currently listening but Charlie had run off probably to greet her parents. Even from where she was standing, she could feel the panic that was washing over Charlie like a wave. It was something that she had never witnessed before, sure Charlie got way too wrapped up in the details, but she didn't panic.

It was enough to make her reconsider setting Quinn on fire—even just a little fire. Today was important to Charlie, she had made that clear several times. "Eating humans _is_ bad—but so is making your father upset. So, I want you three on your best behavior today alright? Try not to set anything on fire, be polite—and maybe I'll tell your father to make you cookies tomorrow."

"I like chocolate!" Aidan informs his mother as she drops Alexander back down on the ground.

"Fine I'll ask her to make you chocolate chip cookies." Santana makes a face and looks at the half-assed job she had done at turning them into humans. It wouldn't do at all, and waves her hand over the kids fixing their sharp pointed teeth and making sure that their eyes weren't glowing. She also made sure to get rid of the horns that Bela was developing on her head. The things she did to make her concubine happy. She made a face at the idea of completely changing her appearance and hiding away her tail, horns and her eyes but, Charlie was important to her, and it was just for an afternoon. Plus, she'd probably be super grateful and would allow her to that thing that she had seen on the internet. "Come on, let's go meet your father's side of the family."

"I know you said that you wanted to avoid the city life but you're in the middle of _nowhere_ and it's a long commute to your work, is there something you need to tell us Charlie? Are you sick?" Judy asked pressing her hand to Charlie's forehead.

"You couldn't get a better RV?" Russell asked crinkling his nose slightly, it was old and beat up. "Is this the new _tiny_ house thing that your mother makes me watch on HGTV? I thought we raised you to be better than that."

"No—I'm not sick, at least I'm _pretty_ sure that I don't have a tumor that is clearly causing lapses in judgement and rather large delusions," Charlie muttered before flashing her parents a smile. "The RV isn't permanent dad, I'm going to be building a place to live here—"

"In the middle of nowhere," Russell repeats, Judy's concern narrowing his eyes. "Are you _sure_ you're not dying?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm not dying. I just—" Charlie waves her hands in the air trying to find the words and looks at her twin for help.

"Oh, no. This is _all_ on you. Don't drag me into your mess," Quinn informed Charlie taking a seat on one of the plastic chairs that Charlie had just _lying_ there. Probably an attempt at having a deck of sorts. She had never pegged Charlie as the one to rough it.

"Charlie?" Judy presses, she knew her youngest had always been odd but this was too much even for her.

Charlie puffed out her cheeks, Santana was right Quinn was a _bitch_ at least Frannie wasn't here. "Okay, so there's a lot of reasons why I'm out here. I know, this isn't something that I would ever do if I didn't think it was super important for me to be out here. Apparently, there are _bears_ in these woods—"

"Charlie, _dear_ , you're rambling again," Judy said patting Charlie's hand.

"Really, Charlie I'm not sure why you can't get the same effect of 'roughing it' in our own backyard—"

But Charlie can almost feel Santana and the kids coming up and her anxiety gets the best of her. Rushing to explain, the whole phrase comes out in one harried breath, "I moved here with my girlfriend and our three children."

Judy and Russell stare at her, blankly and Quinn's jaw drops.

"You've got to be joking, not even _you_ are that stupid—"

"Quinn!"

"What? She's living in the middle of nowhere—"

A new voice stops Quinn short. "Hi." Aiden chirps as he waves at all the adults.

Alexander isn't far behind. "Dad? Mommy said you'll make us cookies. I like the chocolate ones."

"Dad?"

Charlie cringes, this was not how she had planned this. Of course, she didn't actually _have_ a plan so this was going better than expected. "Sure, sure I'll get to that."

"You're _lying_ ," Bela speaks up immediately. "Mommy said you shouldn't lie!"

Charlie forces a giant smile on her face, "Ta-da! Dad, mom—meet your grandkids. This is Alexander, this is Aidan and that's Bela." Charlie pointed to each of them. "Uh, kids. These are your grandparents. Don't, you know—bite or anything."

" _Hi_!" Aidan repeats again, smiling when all the attention was back on him.

Charlie's parents still haven't moved and she's a little concerned she's killed them with the shock. "Surprise?"

Quinn stares at Aidan and the rest of the children before looking at Charlie. "What did you do _?_ "

"I honestly can't remember, but apparently, I impregnated Santana and this happened. I only found out a month ago."

Santana steps up to the group, deciding that now was the perfect time to make her entrance. She nods at Quinn, "Sup Tubbers."

Quinn grits her teeth but doesn't comment.

"Charlie, I know it took a little while for your father and I to accept your alternative lifestyle. But I know you're not a _boy_. You aren't able to father children—"

"That's what _I_ said!" Alexander puffs out his chest proudly. For a second, it strikes Judy as an odd sense of Deja vu.

Charlie rubs her hands together, and then closes her eyes and sighs. She might as well deal with the giant elephant in the room. "Santana, could you just—" Charlie makes a gesture with her hands. When Santana just stares at her, she groans. "I'll definitely let you do that thing tonight once the kids are asleep." Charlie groans.

Santana grins, "Deal!" She says pleased before walking behind the RV. Charlie had gotten upset the last time she had transformed and knocked it over. It had been an _accident_. It takes a moment as she feels the magic begin to slip away as she begins to grow and shift back into her natural form. It was like being able to stretch out after being in the same cramped position for so long. Her transformation finishes and she stares down at the Fabray's they looked like little ants to her, but opens her jaw and inhales deeply, igniting the flame the air in her mouth.

Charlie doesn't even look back at Santana as she watches the blood drain from her parents faces. "That's my girlfriend. She's a dragon. As far as I remember there was a magical situation and I fathered children. I just found out a month ago, because she didn't think it was important to mention it to me." Charlie isn't even surprised when her mother slumps to the ground in a dead faint and her father looks at her a horrified expression on his face. "Surprise?" Charlie said as Santana tilted her head up and blew a stream of fire into the air which exploded causing mini fireworks.

That seemed to be all Russell could take as well because he also fainted, leaving Quinn standing there studying the three children. She turns to look at her parents before narrowing her eyes at her sister. "Great you killed the parental units."

Bela hummed and looked at her father. "Can we eat them?"

Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, looking up at the sky. Her life sucked.


	3. Chapter 3

"You know, I was hoping that they'd be _excited_ that they had grandchildren, now they don't have to pin all their hopes and dreams on Frannie." Charlie mumbled mostly to herself as she glanced over at the small bedroom in the RV where they had put her parents.

Quinn rolled her eyes and watched the three children who seemed entranced by the television for a moment. "How did this happen?"

"It's your fault tubbers, you know how she gets when you put a tiny bit of alcohol into her. I simply gave her what she wanted," Santana responded with a shrug.

Quinn turned to look at Charlie who was turning an interesting shade of pink. "You _wanted_ a penis?"

"I _was drunk_ , I can't remember. I end up doing a lot of things with Santana when I'm drunk that I can't remember," Charlie groaned sinking into her chair.

"You have to be sober for tonight," Santana insists crossing her arms over her chest. "I was promised things and you don't want to renege on a deal with a dragon."

"Yeah, I know. You've told me this a million times," Charlie retorts. She had always wondered _what_ Santana would do if she reneged on a deal but she liked being alive and Santana was terrifying when she was angry.

Quinn narrowed her eyes at the back and forth between Charlie and Santana. "Do you really have to promise her sexual favors to get her to do things Charlie? This relationship is untenable if that's the case."

"I don't have to promise her sexual favors to get her to do things," Charlie responds rubbing her forehead. "I promise her sexual favors so she can do it when I want her too. Time moves differently for dragons. And even if it didn't she's a lazy dragon."

The smile on Santana's face, as Charlie had rushed to her defense against Quinn, slowly faded at the insult at the end of the sentence. "Excuse you?"

Charlie turned to look at Santana, "You watch television all day, you watch a lot of porn, and you spend most of your time after I get back from work, which by the way is a two-hour commute pestering me for sex."

Santana scowled at that, "That's not true I ask you for _food_ and then I ask you to have sex with me." She pauses and then makes a face. "I'm not _lazy_ , I take care of your children!"

"You had no idea our children were out in the woods and got attacked by a bear," Charlie sniffed. "You promised to build me a house and yet you haven't gotten around to it. It's the only reason I moved out of my apartment, because you swore up and down that you'd have an amazing house for me to live in."

"You're _living_ in an amazing house," Santana responds waving her hand around and gesturing towards the RV.

Charlie sighed, the RV had cost her far more than she would have liked, and it was still cramped. Especially with _eight_ people inside of it. Santana had liked the bigger ones but there was no way that she could afford it, she could barely afford this as it was. Feeding four dragons was literally breaking her bank account. But Santana was getting agitated and she couldn't deal with Santana being moody right now. Something would quite possibly break and she'd have to pay for it, she wasn't sure she could afford that. Maybe if she picked up some new accounts at work, and spent some extra time doing it. She just had to keep reminding herself that she was doing this for her new family. "I just—"

Quinn narrowed her eyes and poked Charlie in the ribs. "She calls you her _concubine_."

Charlie shrugged, "Dad calls mom his—" her lips quirk upwards when Quinn makes a disgusted face. "It gets lost in translation Quinn. It's fine we're _monogamous_."

Quinn merely rolls her eyes, she totally didn't understand what Charlie saw in Santana. All of her excuses were starting to ring hollow.

" _Hi_."

Santana and Charlie immediately turn to Aidan, who had crawled up onto the bed and was currently looking at Judy who looked like she had just woken up. "Aidan," Charlie said getting up, and shuffling around her kids to grab Aidan before her mother fainted again. "Let's give your grandmother some space alright?" Charlie said picking him up and placing him on the ground.

Aidan stared at his father briefly before grabbing onto the bed and pulling himself up again and crawling to Judy. " _Hi_!"

Judy jumps a bit staring at the small adorable child in front of her, he _looked_ normal, with his puffy cheeks and his hazel eyes. "Hi," Judy started hesitantly and was rewarded with a huge smile from the child. "And who might you be?"

"Aidan," he announced.

Judy stared at the adorable little boy in front of her and gently reaches out to touch his cheek rubbing it gently, she had no idea what her daughter had done, and she really didn't want to think too hard about it. "Well, Aidan, I'm apparently your grandmother," she said glancing over at Charlie who immediately shrinks back. "I never thought I was going to be a grandmother," she admits. She and Russell had both given up hope that any of their kids would settle down long enough to produce children and with Charlie and Quinn's alternative lifestyles it was never going to happen.

Charlie watched Aidan carefully, he was a devious little monster that used his general adorableness to get away with murder. He knew it too. She was about to speak up when she feels a tug at her leg and looks down at Alexander.

"I want cookies. You _promised_ ," he insists crossing his arms over his chest.

Charlie hears Santana snort and she groans, "I will, just give me a moment to talk to my mother—"

"I can make you cookies," Judy interrupts watching as Alexander turns to her. "What's your favorite type?"

"Chocolate!" Alexander says immediately and studies Judy for a moment. "You can make cookies?"

"My mom is the best cook that I know," Charlie says as Alexander's eyes wide. "Even better than me. Where do you think, I learned it from?"

Alexander peels away from his father and heads towards the bed to look at Judy. "I want cookies."

" _Please_ ," Charlie says immediately, but her son ignores her. She sighs, the children didn't exactly fear her like they did Santana and the only way she could get them to listen to her was through bargaining. It seemed to be a very dragon thing to do.

Santana watches Charlie for a moment, watching her shoulders slump a bit, and narrows her eyes. " _Alexander_." No son of hers was going to disrespect her concubine.

Alex turned to his mother before smiling and turning back to Judy, " _Please_."

Judy smiles at the correct use of manners and gently rubs Alexander's head, "Manners are very important you know. You should always say please and thank you, people are more likely to do things for you if you're polite about it." Judy informs him as he tugs her towards the small kitchenette.

"Really?" Alexander asks, he didn't know that.

"Yes, that's why you should say please and thank you," Judy hummed glancing at Aidan who was holding her hand and walking along with her. "Do you like cookies as well?" She's rewarded with a nod from him. He seemed to be the quiet type.

Charlie blinks and watches her mother's maternal instincts kick in immediately, it almost made her _jealous_. Almost. At least two out of the three children were distracted. She feels something brush against her leg and she turns as she watches Bela grab the bed and pull herself up. She _clearly_ wanted some attention and she winces as Bela smacks her father on the chest and then climbs on top of him. " _Bela_ , you can't—"

Santana shrugged, "She's just making sure he's alive," she said when Charlie turns to look at her for help. "Or she wants special attention. Either way, I'm missing my show."

Quinn rolled her eyes, and looked at her twin. "Whenever you decide to leave this circus and join us back in the real world I'll let you crash in my guest bedroom," she offered her sister. Charlie looked like she was close to snapping, she had never really liked change and finding out that you had fathered three children despite being a girl was probably pushing the bounds of reason in Charlie's head.

Russell groaned, before his eyes widened at the weight he felt on his chest. He stares up at a child who is peering down at him, and jerks a back a bit, panicking when it looks like she's about to fall. "Careful!"

Bela grips onto his hand and leans in a bit and sniffs him, before crinkling her nose at the smell. "What do you do?"

Russell smirked despite himself. He liked that this one was opinionated and blunt. "Well, I do lots of things. I like to work on cars, sometimes I get time to go fishing or hunting—"

"You like to hunt?" Bela looks up at him with wide excited eyes.

Russell nods proudly. All of his daughters had been too delicate to ever care about hunting. "I do. I like pheasant hunting the best—"

"We killed a bear! I killed a bear!"

Santana's eyes shifted slightly, "What have I said about lying?"

"I _did_ kill it! Aidan and Alex helped—a little bit. Daddy said he'd cook bear."

"You killed a bear?" Russell asked.

"Yeah! You wanna see?" Bela said as she scooted off his lap and falls onto the ground, she immediately begins to walk out of the RV.

Russell follows the child, to see the bear that she had apparently killed. He stops in front of his daughter and narrows his eyes, "We need to have a very serious discussion about your life decisions."

"You have three grandchildren, I gave you what you wanted. So, what if they're half dragon. Be careful outside, there are apparently bears roaming the woods," Charlie responds with a wave of her hand. Her children may be literal monsters, but they seemed to understand how to turn on the charm to work on her parents. She turns to look at Santana who had moved back to the television so she could continue watching her show. Well, at least her parents were distracted by their grandkids. Which only left Quinn.

Charlie turns to her twin only to see that Aidan was currently working his magic on her. Which meant that she could take a moment to herself. She glances at her bed and bites her lip, wondering if anyone would notice if she took a small nap. She was tired. She sneaks towards her bed and closes the sliding doors to the bedroom and flops on her bed, and curls up. All this stress was killing her, but at least this had gone—well. Her parents had only fainted once. Santana hadn't killed her parents, and the children were behaving themselves. She deserved a small nap.


	4. Chapter 4

It's the odor of dead animal with the sweet aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that pull Charlie out of her quick power nap, and she quickly scrambles out of her bed and opens the doors to her small bedroom.

"Really Russell? I don't know why you had to bring it in here. You're tracking blood and bits of fur into the kitchen! I just cleaned."

Russell huffed and washed his hands dropping a bloody knife into the sink for Judy to clean as he washed his hands. "They just left the bear there on the ground. I had to teach Bela how to skin a bear, and how to remove its organs. We still need to find a place to hang the meat so it didn't become unusable."

"She's _three_." Judy protests immediately.

"Three and killed a bear," Russell puffs out his chest with pride. His girls had never been interested in hunting before. He had always wanted sons, but Bela more than made up for it. She watched him and asked him a million questions as to why he was doing what he was doing.

" _She's_ three." Judy reminds him again.

"I didn't let her use the knife," Russell says defensively as he dries his hands and grabs a cookie. "Now, where are the hot dogs or hamburgers. Also, I'm going to need a grill, so we can have a barbeque. Next time we're up here let's bring up a giant pig or two, show them how to cook that. They'll probably love it."

Charlie stares at her parents, for a moment and rubs her temples. "Where are my kids?"

Russell and Judy turn to Charlie for a moment, surprised that they weren't alone. "Quinn's watching them, they're outside."

Charlie nods, that made sense, and if her kids were making Quinn miserable that would be even better. She's about to show her dad where she kept a huge stockpile of meat when she stops. Santana wasn't sitting down in her usual spot and the television wasn't on playing god awful soaps. "Where's Santana?"

Russell and Judy exchange looks, before Judy clears her throat slightly. "We actually need to talk to you about that—I don't know how to put this delicately but—"

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?" Russell interrupts crossing his arms.

Charlie shrugged she had expected the third degree. At least the children had made this conversation tolerable. Nothing could have been as bad as Quinn's freak out when she had found out that Santana was a dragon, "I was drunk and she followed me home one day and I made the mistake of feeding her. Even though I'm pretty sure that she took my food from me while I was in shock. So, I'm sort of stuck with her. I don't know why you're upset, she's the mother of your grandchildren who you seem to adore. You have grandchildren."

"Are they—they look _normal_. Are they like her?" Judy whispers quietly.

Charlie was sure that Santana could hear this conversation, she could hear everything. It was weird at times, but she needed to make something clear. "Does it matter? They're your grandkids. You can take them hunting dad, and you can make a bunch of baked goods for them and take them—well actually you can't really take them _anywhere_ , but you've got grandchildren, who seem to like you."

"Charlie she's a—it's not _natural_." Russell protests immediately.

"It's not like we have sex while she's a dragon—I mean not that it's any of your business. She's not going to _eat_ you. Yeah, I get it she's a big scary dragon but you're _safe_ around her. And I really think you should get to know her, before you judge. Something about a book and a cover, I dunno." When her parents don't look convinced Charlie sighs, she _totally_ didn't want to pull this card out this soon. "Santana and the children are a _package_ deal. She's the only one that can corral them, and they do get—rambunctious."

"Charlie, dear I had twins—and you and Quinn weren't a walk in the park. I think I can handle your children. They're better behaved than you were at that age," Judy sniffs.

"Was this before or after I set fire to your house because I drool molten magma?" Charlie asks dryly. She shrugs when her parent's eyes widen at this. "Santana and the children are a package deal, not only because I really want her to be a part of the family, but because she really is the only person who can take care of the little monsters." Charlie hummed, the nap had done wonders for her self confidence. "Now, if you'll excuse me there's a dragon's ego that I have to go stroke."

" _Charlie_."

Charlie ignored her mother and quickly got the hell out of her RV, to look for Santana. Hopefully her monster children hadn't eaten Quinn. She actually _liked_ Quinn, Quinn was a fine drinking buddy. Frannie on the other hand—well she wasn't quite sure who would eat _whom_. "Santana?"

"I'm not a _stray_ cat," Santana said from where she was sitting on the roof of the RV. She watched as her concubine wheeled around and fell on her ass looking up at her.

Charlie studied Santana for a moment, even though it sounded like she was pouting, Charlie could _see_ the pleased look on her face. "Well, you do like it when I rub behind your horns. You also like me rubbing that spot on your lower back, plus your eyes do that weird cat thing. Plus—you think about murdering humans _a lot_. It's very cat-like."

Santana scoffed and puffed blowing smoke at Charlie who scrambled out of the way. "I made you my concubine remember? It was a great honor."

"I'm sure that's how many cats feel about their owners," Charlie retorted as she dusted the pine needles off her ass. "Where are the kids?"

"Your sister is _terrible_ at hide and seek," Santana noted patting the space on the RV beside her. "They're three and they're not that bright, this shouldn't be that difficult for her."

Charlie nods, and grabs the ladder on the side of the RV and climbs up, taking a seat beside Santana. She wasn't surprised when Santana immediately curls into her side. "Well my parents are raiding my fridge to have a barbeque. Also, it's terribly rude to listen in to other people's conversations."

"If you didn't want me to listen, you should speak telepathically. I didn't know you humans could do that," Santana mused grabbing Charlie's arm and wrapping it around her shoulders as she yawns.

"What have I said about believing everything that's on television?" Charlie shakes her head and rubs Santana's side. "Is Quinn going to be okay?"

Santana rolls her eyes, her pupils constricting. "More or less, I mean she really shouldn't startle them. But they probably won't hurt her that much. I mean they are currently hunting her, but you know, they can barely breathe fire."

"Aidan drools molten lava." Charlie reminded her.

"I've been trying to get him to stop eating rocks, but he likes the taste or whatever. It's a bad habit, I blame you."

"I don't eat rocks."

"No but you spoil him," Santana nods. "You and your family spoil them. All these cookies and treats, they're going to be the _worst_ dragons in the world."

Charlie nods, she personally had no idea if they were going to be terrible dragons but what she did know was that Santana was probably jealous that she hadn't got any cookies. "How about I make you a special treat later tonight?"

Santana glanced at Charlie, "I haven't forgot what you promised me."

Charlie groaned, of course Santana hadn't forgotten. "I know, I mean after my parents leave, and the kids fall asleep I make you some Smores. I think you'll get a kick out of them," Charlie watches as Santana thinks about it for a moment before grinning and nodding. She's about to add something when she hears a loud shout from Quinn. "The kids caught her?"

"They work well together. I can't believe they listened to your father's long lessons about hunting. I think he likes to hear himself talk," Santana shook her head as she stretched. It was time to intervene before the kids ripped Quinn apart. She was sure that Charlie would be upset if she let that happen.

"He does. Go save my sister please," Charlie says leaning in to kiss Santana's cheek before scooting over as Santana stands up, her massive dragon wings appearing as she takes to the sky, to _hopefully_ save Quinn.


End file.
